Twelve years ago today our first baby was born extremely premature. Amara Kay was born with a small cry and lived just three days. We had the best of doctors in the NICU. But her little body wasn't ready to live on its own yet. We still have an ache in our heart. For who she would have been. For what she would have brought into our lives. For what she could have done for others. But her little spot in the big plan of life was to come just for a tiny bit and go back from where she came from. She was the forerunner of our family. She enabled us to go to China. To be called to be Trevor's parents. And for that, we are so thankful for what she has done for us.
When she died, a little piece of our hearts died too. And it still is there. And it still aches. And we miss her. But our hearts and lives and spirits are richer because of the experience of having her a part of our family.
Thinking of you SO much today. I was just thinking about this the other day. II remember Jane letting us know Amara had been born. It really hit me hard because I believe you and I were due somewhere around the same time -- Caleb was born on his due date - January 26th. Your due date actually may have been just ahead of ours? Anyway...thoughts are with you this week.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts on this part of your life. As you know we are looking forward to special times of adding a new one to our family through adoption. Thanks for your encouragement along those lines, too. Minnie
ReplyDeleteThis is me hugging you from all the way over here!
ReplyDeletei love how you're able to see so much positive in what was a very negative experience...sad for you but i am thankful for what has happened since for you as well.
ReplyDeleteLots of hugs as the memories come back to you. You are thought of.
ReplyDeleteHugs your way- I remember when it happened but as a teen I guess I didn't realize what the loss of a little one means. Thought of you at the Dells when one sister spoke about a family who lost a baby and her encouragement to let experiences draw us closer to God. You all are a wonderful example of that.
ReplyDeleteJust a few weeks ago I was going through a stack of notes and came across some taken at Amara's funeral. We had been living in Idaho for just 8 months, and Wisconsin seemed very far away during those days. I remember thinking of you during the funeral time and just breaking down in tears. Doug asked me what was wrong and I sobbed, "Duane and Linda are at their baby's funeral right now." Sad, sad days those were for you, but like you said, just look at the powerful impact her short little life had on future choices in your lives!
ReplyDeleteA very touching blog post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't even in WI yet when that happened but Amara remains etched in my memory for this reason: The first time I was ever at D's sister's (they were in our field my first and last years in WI) the kids were showing me around, showing me family pix, etc (I think it was Ashley and Josh) and they picked up Amara's pic from the ledge where it stood and introduced me to her. That moment was sharp and poignant, maybe more so because I was just meeting them and had never met you.
ReplyDeleteWe felt for you in those hard days, and then how happy we were for you when the next three came to join your family! I admire those who endure hard experiences, and whose faith and trust are increased because of it.
ReplyDeleteWhat a touching post! XXXX's
ReplyDeleteJust "catching up", so I'm a little behind. Hugs to you and thinking of you remembering your "littlest one". Sounds like she was beautiful.
ReplyDeletei guess i am a day late & a dollar short w/ my comment, but this post made me think of that hymn "joy & sorrow interwoven". appreciate your spirit, but recognize it came at a great cost. thanks for openly sharing your thoughts and for all the encouragement.
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