Conferences were held last night. It is fascinating to hear the teachers describe your own children to you to a 'T'. What we see and know about the little people here renders true. Mira is... well funny. Kinda smart. Tries to get others to laugh. And is successful. Trevor is... well very personable. Loves friends. Good at math and reading (although he needs to remember what he read). Needs to be told to sit down and work. But does after a warning. Rayna is... well sensitive. Loves reading. Tolerates math. Hates working. Her teacher takes her job very seriously. I felt like sitting up straight when she was talking. And then about part-way through she asks for Rayna to come into the room. She talks to her about needing to work. And hard. Rayna cries. And then she says, 'now go get a tissue and stop crying so we can talk'. I immediately felt near nausea. My baby! When she came back and sat between Chairman and me I wanted to pick her up and hold her. Rock her back and forth. Tell her it would all be ok. Then I realized that wasn't appropriate. Maybe just hold her hand! Then I realized. That wouldn't be right either. I was doing a 5 second evaluation of the whole situation and saw that I am the problem. What? Me? I love my children. With a passion. And for a reason I've begun to understand, I've wanted to love, protect, nurture, and nearly hover over Rayna. I think it is some deep-seeded passion from nearly 9 years ago when she was given to us in China. She needed us. We desperately needed her. And so I've wanted to keep her from pressure. From scary situations. From work! And she has done a very good job in keeping me from seeing her ability (and maybe I didn't want to see it). So... I need to love, nurture, and protect. With the understanding that my 'baby' is now nearly 9 1/ 2 years old. And she needs to be challenged. Pushed. Encouraged to be all she can be. And that is pure parenting.
No one told me parenting would have new rules nearly daily! No one told me it would get harder as they got older. But yet, I love this stage. My little ones are now turning into people with interests, friends, and ideas of their own. And I (we) need to only strengthen them in what their strengths are and give gentle pushes when they need to be pushed.
Not very profound I know... but a learning experience for me.
Yes, yes, Yes! and I think you're wrong....it was profound!! :*) Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYou are an awesome mom....don't ever doubt that for a second.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you had an epiphany. Just a thought...the elemental difference in the births of the 3 plays a part in how you parent and realizing when she's 9 that you need to make some changes is okay... but go softly with her... she's 9.
ReplyDeleteThis made me want to hug and hold Rayna's hand. If only I can be as gracious as you handled this when my turn comes. I've always had a problem with wanting to fight other people's battles for them. Just ask my Mom.
ReplyDeleteI have to tell you that if either of my boys' teachers made them cry like that, the teacher and I would be OUT of that room having a little personal visit. Granted there's a lot I don't know about this particular situation, but my ol' backbone stiffened and steam started sneaking out my ears when I read that Rayna CRIED. An extra jewel in your crown for not punching her in the nose for that one!
ReplyDeleteOh, and another thing. I am SO with you on the "letting go" part. I saw a picture of a teeny baby the other day and thought, "Oh, I wish I could protect my children from everything now like I was able to when they were that little." It is SO hard to stand back and let life smack them around, but that is what life does, and that is what life is. Unfortunately! :-(
ReplyDeletei'm wondering if Rayna won't someday thanks that teacher. i had a way of "schmoozing" most of my teachers...and i always , in the end, appreciated the ones who saw through my game and called me on things...and yes, challenged me! challenging is one of the highest forms of a compliment..it says, " i know you are made of so much more.. i know you are capable of so much more...i know you are so much better...now prove it!" I think...you did the right thing by letting her hear it. ( but, maybe i'm not getting the right jist of the story..maybe she is a mean teacher?)
ReplyDeleteDear me, I dread and look forward to PTC all in the same breath. We love to hear the good things about our kiddos from their teachers, then comes the "BUT", and with that "BUT" we know comes what they need to work on. I some times feel my hackles rising listening to the teachers point out the negative points of my children. I do realize though if the teacher has honestly pointed out the positive points as well, she for the most part is trying to be helpful. Kinzie's preschool teacher, said she will point out what Kinzie needs to work on, but she also said she wanted to spend more time on the the positive. I completely understand the feeling you must of had with Rayna's teacher. Kinzie's is "very" sensitive as well, and I would rather a child that can "feel", verses one that can't. It is very evident that you are doing a GREAT job.
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