ALERT FROM THE CHAIRMAN!

Alert! Alert!  I would like to put out an APB on my wife.  She was last seen traveling towards the Chicago Loop.  Ostensibly, for some sort of "ladies weekend" or whatever.  Meanwhile, I am in the house with no wife in sight.  How did this most unusual situation develop?

Several decades ago, I recognized a need to make one major decision that would allow me to transition from a simple life as a kid to a somewhat simple life as an adult.  To foster the image that I turned out to be a responsible adult, I would need to attach myself to a very capable female companion.  Thus, while older and burdened with more responsibility, I could continue to live life as essentially a big kid.  One month after my schooling was complete, I met a fiercely independent woman that was perfect for the position.  Clearly capable of running a household, I foresaw that she would tend to the children while I would roam free.  The plan worked for years.  I was able to travel the continental 48 states at will while I had confidence the home front was protected.

But now the tables have turned.  I am the one at home while she is roaming free...in Chicago no less.

At the risk of sounding patronizing, I would like to raise a practical question.  How does being raised on the prairie of South Dakota prepare oneself for the dangers of the urban environment?  In the big city, especially Chicago, danger is everywhere.  One moment all can appear to be well.  But danger is just around the corner.  Just recognizing that danger exists is not sufficient.  Proper evaluation of each risk is essential.  It is possible to be distracted by some minutiae, label that as a threat, then leave your rear flank exposed to an actual menace.  In Chicago, a small sample of the potential threats could include a group of roaming youth looking for a "free" ipad, a Dave Matthews Band tour bus expunging waste, or Rahm Emanuel with a steak knife.  The complete threat count is overwhelming.

Honey, if you are reading this, if you feel unsafe in any way, you can be assured that I have a capable rescue team in place that can be on location within 90 minutes.  If you choose to "go it alone," I will respect your decision.

For the record, I don't want to suggest to the readers that the Publisher is with the "wrong element."  While not residents of the Badger State, I have had the opportunity to evaluate a couple of the women through the years and I must say I hold them in high regard.  As an aside, one is strangely knowledgeable about Elvis.

Well, I am not sure how to conclude this post.  Someday looking back, this could be mildly humorous.  But I am writing this in real time.  I don't know how this turns out yet.  My wife is currently MIA.  I can assume all ends well, but that is only an assumption at this point.  I feel like I am starting to ramble.  My life feels somewhat unfocused.  I need some direction.  Oh, if anyone sees my wife on the streets, tell her Happy Anniversary for me.  Meanwhile I will just wander about the house.

All for now,
The Chairman