I was hangry...

Well it's over thank goodness!  I did what most middle-aged people do and signed myself up for a colonoscopy.  To put it mildly, I didn't really want to do it.  I don't like even skipping a meal and the thought of basically skipping nearly two complete days left me queasy.  I chose to do it because of family history and wanting to just know what's going on down below.  

So how was it?  I'll try to give a condensed version.  The prep was a mind game with myself.  As soon as I knew I couldn't eat any more solid food I was starving.  I was preoccupied with food.  I watched with complete envy as family members absentmindedly noshed on this or that.  Everything - and I do mean everything looked mouth-watering delicious.  I continued to drink my broth, eat my jello, and down 64 ounces of Gatorade mixed with powder that had a sole job to blow out your colon.  And let me tell you it did it's job.

Finally FINALLY! my sweet mom and I left for the appointment.  I felt almost giddy that it was finally happening.  They checked me in and I got dressed in the lovely back-open hospital gown and the iv was started.  Dr. Staff came in to chat about the procedure.  (It wasn't lost on me that Dr. Staff was soon going to be holding a rod.)  He asked if I had any questions or concerns.  I said no.  But inwardly I was thinking, "let's get this show on the road as I want to go home and eat everything in the fridge and pantry!".

The cute little blonde nurse got me and pushed my hospital bed into the room where the procedure was taking place.  I noted it was freezing cold in there.  She asked me my name and my birthday.  I wondered if she was planning to send a gift?  I was watching the bag of water drip through the iv into my arm and I worried I'd need to go to the bathroom.  But that worry was taken care of as soon as she pushed in two little syringes of sleepy juice.  I tried very hard to try and remember what it felt like going 'under' but I didn't have time.

The next thing I know is this nurse is trying to get me to sit up and get in a wheelchair to go home.  Now mind you the procedure was over an hour and a half before.  The Dr. came to give a recap of how it went.  I had gotten dressed.  They had administered more glucose water since my blood pressure was so low.  After I was settled into the car I basically have little or no recollection of anything for the next 10 hours.  That sleepy juice blew out my short-term memory and all I wanted to do is sleep.

So I did not empty the fridge or pantry.  I slept off the anesthesia.  I was loopy.  And I didn't care one iota where I was.  Then I woke up and looked around the dark bedroom.  The Chairman snored away next to me.  I was home!  I felt fine!  Hooray for life!

Except for rampant gas pains (sorry if too much info) and a terrific appetite, I had no after-effects from the roto-rooter experience.

The lab report came back.  I had one polyp that was removed.  It is the kind that likes to turn into cancer some day.  They want to see me back to go through this wonderful experience in five years to make sure no other growths appear.  So I'm glad I went.  Maybe I'll just gorge myself the next five years to ensure I don't feel hungry the during the two-day fast.

Happy Labor Day weekend to you!