As most everyone knows, with adoptions comes uncertainty, worry, and incredible joy. When I gave birth to our last child fifteen years ago yesterday - really the emotions were almost the same.
When I thought I might be expecting I purchased the cheapest tests I could find. I quietly took it one morning and all the while "big" sister that was just past two was wandering around the bathroom asking two-year old questions. The second line appeared. I went to talk to the Chairman. His first reaction was "oh no!" because for us that meant most likely another miscarriage, or a D&C, or worse yet - a pre-term birth. We had five experiences already so what would make this one different?
I was considered the high risk of high risk mothers, My OB/gyn referred me to two excellent perinatologists that I saw bi-weekly until they felt it would only need to be weekly, I would get knots in my stomach before every appointment and received pictures of our growing baby after each time I went. That was a comfort and I would stare at them between the appointments. I nearly always pushed in the double stroller of the older sister and brother and fed them snacks as we waited for the doctor. Yes - uncertainty and worry.
My heart would sink just a little when people would say, 'you adopted your children so now you will have one for sure'. There were no guarantees and I didn't even wash baby clothes or buy diapers until the due date was just days away.
My due date came and then three days later I knew sleep wouldn't be coming. I stayed awake all night. By the dawn's early light I went outside and walked and walked and walked. My mind was in a different zone. Finally I told the Chairman what was happening because I knew he would go into full-blown action once I whispered "it's time".
We had only three hours in the hospital before our black-haired baby was born. The Chairman and I looked at each other when she cried and then so did we. We cried for her safe arrival. We cried for the big sister that was already in heaven. And we cried for all the ones that didn't make it. Yes after uncertainty and worry, there was joy.
We named our baby Mira because to us she was a mira(cle) to us. We named her Mira because it echoed the name of her older sister Amara that was with us just three days. And we named her Mira because it means 'wonderful' in one language and 'peace' in another.
The biggest gift this little baby by blood gave to us was infallible proof that the way you feel about your children doesn't matter if they come to you through the gift of adoption or through the gift of life. As we stared at these three souls we were given, the love and devotion we felt - and still feel towards them - was exactly the same.
Somehow it has always seemed 'easier' to write about our adoptions because they are more unique. Everyone has a birth story. But for us, this story has been unique like our adoptions. As the Chairman and I look back to those years we are now so incredibly thankful for the uncertainty. The worry. And yes, even the losses. Because it has brought us to this point where we know the souls we have been entrusted with are exactly the ones that should be here with us. And for that and for them - we are thankful,
|she made it safely!|
|my arms and heart were overflowing|
|And now our 'baby' holding our friends precious 2-day old|