Saturday, October 9, 2010

Getting on the high horse

Grunt.  Pull.  Got the foot in one stirrup.  Grab the horn.  Pull again.  Swing leg over.  Both feet in stirrups.  Whew.  Now I've gotten on the high horse.  And now that I'm here I'll say a little something.  About adoption.  One thing that I heard recently and innocently enough was a question posed to me.  They wondered if we ever knew the 'real' mother of one of our children.  Why yes we do know!  She's in her mid-40's.  Prematurely graying hair.  Is devoted to her husband and children.  Loves to have friends over.  Enjoys the outdoors.  Hiking.  Camping.  The dog.  Gets crabby at random times.  I think you get the picture.  That's me.  I'm the 'real' mother of our children.  And our three children are our 'real' children.  I wiped their little bottoms.  I hug their very real bodies.  I dry their tears.  Rejoice in successes.  Share in sadness.  Listen to their dreams.  Break apart some very real fights.  And love with a love that is so real it hurts.  Ask any mother (or father) that has adopted.  The proper term is 'birth mother'.  And we give Thanks.  Nearly daily.  For the birth mothers.  They chose something so selfless it almost is too much to comprehend.  And we chose to adopt to build our family.  And our family is real.  And we like it that way.

Now I'm feeling a little saddle-sore, so I must get down....

13 comments:

  1. You ride it well, Linda! :) Loved your message...

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  2. This post made me a little weepy this morning. Not sure why. Love your "real" family. Love the real you.

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  3. So very, very true! We also use the term...birth mom, and like you....thankful everyday for her.

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  4. You said it well. The other person/people probably meant it well, just didn't say it well!

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  5. Like you say, it was probably asked innocently enough. But your feelings are understandable!

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  7. Amen sister. Maybe the next time you are asked that question you can smoothly vault into the saddle of your high house and ride right over whomever asked it.... err... wait..... I meant..... politely offer the high horse a carrot and gently correct with a "you mean to say Birth mother" statment. Hugs.

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  8. I'm an adoptive mom of "real" children myself, and while I also think most people don't mean anything by their not-so-sensitive comments, I understand how you feel. My "favorite" question is, "Are you going to tell them they are adopted?", which is kind of funny considering they are African American and I'm not, or another, "Are they real sisters?", to which I respond, "Of course they are, (long pause) just not biological!" I'm so thankful to have them both as a part of my family, and you have a beautiful family too!

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  9. Adoption is a very beautiful thing, having experienced it in our family in several different ways, the most recent the adoption by my brother of his step children. And they are no longer step children, they are HIS, and he is a very real DAD! A family is a family, no matter how it's made.

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  10. Love it, high horse and all.....we are waiting to meet our friends' son.....hopefully this week!! Instead of the OB ward it will be MSP airport and that is just perfect for us.

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  11. Thanks for the post, Linda. It's a little different for us most of the time, since Kiah was adopted domestically and looks just like Bill. :) But when she tells her friends at school, she gets the "real mom" thing, and then *I* get the "real mom" thing from her friends after school. "I saw a picture of Kiah's REAL mom today", the kids will say. And I'll say, all innocent-like: "Oh, she brought a picture of me to school?" I think they're "getting it" now. :)

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