We've heard the ways people call it. The 'freshmen fifteen', or the 'middle-age spread' or sometimes they are even quaintly called 'love handles'. They are trying to say it nicely. Well this morning, my vet lady talked on the phone with the Big Lady that yells but loves me anyway and called me... "chubby and overweight". Ugh.
Hello! This is Lisi. I've been away. This morning after a brief walk with the Big Lady, we headed to the vet's office. I'm not your typical dumb mutt. I love the vet office! There are treats in there and lots of people that love dogs and one even said this morning, 'I sure love this one'. I'm glad Big Lady heard that so she can appreciate me a little more than she does.
Big Lady said goodbye and off I went with another big lady. She put me in a crate thing for a bit and then soon it opened again and there was this nice lady. She got down and I gave her kisses. After the kissing was through, she started to look in my eyes and ears and touched some private places and listened to my heart. Then she checked some skin things that are growing by my eye and neck. After a couple of shots that I barely feel, she picked up the phone and called my Big Lady.
They chatted about my excellent health and the weird skin things and then... she said it. "Lisi has put on about five pounds. She's starting to look a little chubby". Oh boy. Now I'm mad. You'd think her being a lady and all that she'd know we are sensitive about our shapes. I've hit middle-age. It's tough. And I'm much to sensitive to say, 'well have you looked at your own rear-end lately?'. I didn't, because... well I can't talk.
Then the lady was listening to my Big Lady and I heard her say, 'cat food?'. Oh no. Big Lady ratted on me and told the vet that I've been snitching cat food in the morning. You see they give that hot-tempered, orange-headed rotten cat a little bit of some juicy food out of can every morning.
That dumb cat isn't smart enough to eat all of it and the Big Lady that yells but loves me anyway isn't bright enough to make sure I don't lick the bowl clean.
The vet-lady told my Big Lady that it is very high in protein. And it is very high in calories. So I'm getting fat on savory shreds of goodness. I think my gig is up. I think Big Lady is on to me. I doubt I see any more savory shreds in my future.
I was groomed this morning. Don't I look pretty despite my extra cargo? And do you think I look fat in my yellow scarf? Please say no...