A happy mother...

If only I could have seen into the future.  As long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom.  Not just any mom. A mom that was loving and devoted and caring and nurturing and funny and spiritual.  I had that in my own mother.  And I wanted to have the opportunity as well.  For a time it didn't seem possible.  I wasn't sure for a bit of time if I would ever marry or have children.  Then we had loss upon loss.  And the possibility of being that mom I always wanted to be was elusive at best.  But I couldn't see the future.  If I could have just had a glimpse of the above picture and be told that 'in 2011 these will be your children', I wonder how I would have been.  Would I have been less desperate?  Made less vows?  Loved other people's children less?  Maybe.

I think a veiled future is for our greater good.  We can't see ahead.  But we have today.

And today I have a spouse that is a wonderful father to our children.  I have three very unique and special young people I don't take for granted.  And I have the opportunity to be... just... mom.  It is better than I could have ever hoped it to be.  Even the crabby, nothing-goes-right days.  Really.

I'm not the perfect mom like I thought I would be.  I do try to love and care and nurture and guide in a spiritual way.  And I'm doing the best I can.  But the future is theirs.  And they are not 'mine'.  They are a gift. And it makes me one very happy mother.

Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful moms out there...  from this one here.