Sunday, May 16, 2010

Just because...

I go soon. (not my 1st time though)

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home!

Exercise 1:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

Exercise 2:
Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the other breast.

Exercise 3:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight.
Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again!!

Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your mammogram!


  1. Way too true! So funny to read this!

  2. This one truly made me laugh out loud for a minute or two. I may have to put a link to this post on my blog.

  3. I am NEVER...I repeat NEVER going to have a mammogram! I honestly never knew they were that bad. Please tell me in 4 years it will all be better...please!

  4. As an old pro, I found this to be one of the few things on the internet that is truly hilarious. However, it's not QUITE that bad!

  5. I almost spit out my coffee reading this! Very funny!

  6. OK, the nurse in me just HAS to respond... yes, Mammos are not fun, BUT- so much better than getting full blown breast cancer and it being too late to do anything about it. The pain of that is much greater. So don't let it scare you Darcie... after all, it's better than the alternative.... but this is funny... I laughed out loud too! :) (and I hear from my mom that they are MUCH better than they used to be, so hopefully that trend will continue) :)
    Jill Fox

  7. You nailed it, no question! (BTW, we're friends of Keith & Jane, or have I already told you that? Used to live where they live, now we live in TX. Have known your uncle Alan for years.)
    PS-I enjoy your blog immensely.

  8. I agree with Bonita's statement-Hilarious-------and um! not 'quite' that bad.
    I've had three recalls, two of them after a three hr ride home, telling me in alarmed tone to come back! Scary!
    Thanks for the laugh.

  9. Darcie- I'm with you- I'm not having one, period. My doctor told me last fall I can do ultrasounds...